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CURRENT GAGS The Bald Brotherhood Whenever a "friend" of ''PTI'' who happens to be bald (like . Wilbon finds Kornheiser's obsession with hair weird, refutes Kornheiser's assessment that he is bald (Wilbon states that he has the shaved hairstyle), and he will either make no comment about another person's hairstyle or, when asked about what a person should do with their hair when it is receding, will decree that they should "take a razor to that, big boy!" Conversely, when a guest with an inordinate amount of hair (e.g., a mullet) appears, Kornheiser will often express jealousy, sometimes exclaiming, "Look at that hair!" The Bald Brotherhood denied Britney Spears 's entry to the elite club because both hosts felt Britney Spears hurt the name and the respect the group experienced in the past. Beatdown! Wilbon often says that if a person is acting horribly, he says that the person deserves a "Beatdown". Wilbon usually says "I got two words for you: BEAT! DOWN!" Dap A term made popular on the show, dap is understood to be credit, or props, after deserving respect for a performance. As in, "Give my boy some dap!" Dap can also be given for correctly predicting something. The logo for DAP Technologies appears on the set as a play on that, as well as occasionally a small tub of DAP Spackle . "Your boy" When discussing a personality that one of the hosts particularly likes, that person will be referred to as the host's "boy..." For example, Kornheiser may address Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban to Wilbon as "Your boy Cuban" or "Your boy Cubes." The phrase is often used sarcastically, as well, for someone a host dislikes.
Wilbon on the road Wilbon frequently does remotes from cities where he's covering an event, particularly during the NBA Playoffs. Kornheiser doesn't like this, saying he hates to travel. Wilbon will occasionally remind Kornheiser that they are journalists, and have to actually cover sports. Kornheiser hates to take all the letters during the Mail Time segment when Wilbon is on the road; he once even made Reali do it. On March 27 , 2006 , Kornheiser finally had to do a remote and Wilbon announced that he was glad to take all the letters out of the box. Kornheiser and Wilbon are both on the road for '' Monday Night Football '' games to accommodate Kornheiser being a commentator for the program. ''Gots'' to go! One of Kornheiser's favorite expressions, which he uses for something which is completely unacceptable or untenable; for example, "It's a ''gots'' to go situation!" Strugg-a-ling During a 2003 ''.) The Yanks and the Sawks! Wilbon has a dislike for The Often Overhyped Rivalry between the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox , and, particularly, how every story about the two teams is overblown, while the same story in the context of another team won't make national headlines. Wilbon will say this whenever a show topic involving the rivalry will come up, using a faux-Boston accent when saying "Sox" to make it sound like "Sawks". ''PTI'' - May 11, 2005
Tony's Loves Kornheiser often makes self-deprecating references to his alleged "old age", saying, for instance, that when he was younger he used to "run with" Engelbert Humperdinck . The most famous manifestation of this is his affection (or professed affection anyway) for such famous older women as Rue McClanahan and Bea Arthur (from '' The Golden Girls '' TV series), Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg , and the "Fragile French Judge" ( Marie-Reine Le Gougne ), among others. Anytime any beautiful girl is mentioned Tony says he prefers Jessica Alba . Wilbon has dubbed him an "expert" in this field, as he likes to start out the "Happy" segments of the show with a birthday of an older woman. "You Play to Win the Game" During the 2002 NFL Season , then- New York Jets head coach Herman Edwards made this statement during a press conference.Edwards, Herman (2004). ''You Play to Win The Game'', ISBN 0071445099. This has become a favorite phrase between both Kornheiser and Wilbon, and has been used recently after Herm was on the show. After Edwards press conference on whether the Chiefs backed into the playoffs, the boys brought up the entertainment of Edwards and how entertaining his quotes such as, "You Play to win the game!" are. The Hate-able Dan Le Batard '' Miami Herald '' columnist Dan Le Batard had a rather cold reception from fans following his first ''PTI'' guest appearance in 2004, who deluged ESPN with anti-Le Batard e-mails. Le Batard is a regular guest on the show when Kornheiser or Wilbon are away, and is often referred to as the "Hateable Dan Le Batard". As of late, the show's crew has habitually booed Le Batard during his introduction. In the 1000th episode celebration, Reali can be heard screaming "I hate Le Batard!" from across the studio. On the July 3, 2007 episode, Reali could also be heard chucking many insults at Le Batard such as, "You are dead to me Le Batard! Dead to me!". Le Batard was also named as one of the biggest turkeys of the year on the 2006 Thanksgiving edition of ''PTI''. He Who Shall Not Be Named Kornheiser's nickname for '' Chicago Sun-Times '' journalist, '' Around The Horn '' panelist, and occasional ''PTI'' guest host Jay Mariotti , on account of his feud with Kornheiser. Website discussing Kornheiser/Mariotti feud Stick Figure " Stick Figure " has been Kornheiser's derisive term for Yao Ming when the Chinese -born 7'6" Center first entered the NBA . With his high level of recent play, Wilbon enjoys reminding Kornheiser of his predictions of failure for Ming, recalling the term. Tony's Day Off Wilbon frequently jokes at Kornheiser's so-called whereabout while off, particularly during long breaks when guest hosts are filling in, and often refers to him "Uncle Tony" or "Old Man Kornheiser". Uranus! Kornheiser has been very fond using Uranus jokes (as in the "Your Anus " pun) on the show, particularly during the show's opening (Wilbon, understandably, finds these jokes highly immature, and often responds with a very loud and sarcastic laugh). On March 26 , 2006 , the anniversary of the planet's 1781 discovery by astronomer William Herschel , Kornheiser celebrated the planet Uranus's 225th "birthday" during the "Happy Time" segment. On July 12 , 2006 , Dan Le Batard , on a day when Kornhesier was absent, referenced Kornheiser (as he often does with Wilbon) by making a "Uranus joke" during the opening in response to Wilbon's statement about the '' Discovery '' shuttle crew losing a spatula. Addressing the audience
The ''PTI'' Sign A sign of the ''PTI'' logo on a stick held up by Kornhesier at the end of the show. In an imitation of the show's closing animation, he waves the sign in front of his face and whispers, "PTI!". Anthony Joseph Reali Reali moderates the Over/Under and Odds Makers segments. Rather than introduce him as "Stat Boy," Kornheiser (or Wilbon when Kornheiser is absent or the guest host when both are absent) usually refers to Reali's actual name but starting with the April 10 , 2006 episode Kornheiser used Reali's first, middle, and last name. That would soon become a regular occurrence that becomes humorous when Reali is given other middle names, which are the first and last names of famous people. However, as Over/Under has been used less, Reali does not receive a nickname at the beginning of that segment anymore. Bam! A flashy entry that Le Batard tried to popularize during a run as fill-in for Kornheiser, who put it down immediately upon return. Le Batard may have appropriated the word from cooking-show host Emeril Lagasse . He now calls himself "Dan LeBAMatard!" On November 1 , 2006 Dan repeatedly sang (or shouted) "Bam" rather than lyrics to the melodies of various songs just before and after commercial breaks. On July 13 , 2007 , Wilbon asked if viewers if they were nervous about Friday The 13th - Le Batard appeared with a Devil's Pitchfork and yelled with a deep voice, "BAM!" For the rest of the following week, Le Batard opened every show with "BAM!" to Wilbon's dismay. Squa-doosh Currently used by both Wilbon and Kornheiser, and especially by Reali during Odds Makers, to indicate zero (0). Repeated zeroes can result in a ''double-'' or ''triple-''squa-doosh. Le Batard vs. Reali on Odds Makers During the "Odds Makers" game, Le Batard annoys Reali to no end by constantly just selecting one percentage point above or below his opponent's selection for every topic. This antipathy had apparently dissipated as on the November 1 , 2006 show, Reali declared Le Batard the winner in Odds Makers for the first time in the history of the segment. On March 8 , 2007 , though, Le Batard once again pulled the same stunt, including a vote of "99 1/2 percent" (to Tony's 98%), outraging an amused Reali, who berated him, "Dan, there's a reason why we get emails calling you ''Le Bafart'', ''Le Baturd'', ''Le Bajerk''..." Reali expresses wariness every time Le Batard plays "Odds Makers", fearing what he refers to as "a joke performance". Badmouthing the guest behind his/her back At the conclusion of Five Good Minutes, Kornheiser will occasionally throw to break by saying that when they return, Wilbon will talk smack about the guest behind his/her back. On rare occasions (especially when Kornheiser is on the road) Wilbon will turn the gag around on Kornheiser. Middle initial Some sports personalities have been referred to with the middle initial "F," in place of a profanity, perhaps inspired by Red Sox fans referring to former New York Yankees shortstop and 1978 playoff hero as " Bucky F. Dent ." The most notable examples are " Donovan F. McNabb " and Baltimore Ravens head coach " Brian F. Billick ." The hot tub at Wilbon's When listing three personalities that will be discussed in the Happy Time or '''The Big Finish''' segments, Kornheiser will follow up by stating "now that sounds like the hot tub at Wilbon's!" or "which one are you kicking out of your hot tub, Wilbon?" The gag has become so prominent that a sign pointing in the direction of the supposed hot tub resides on the set. Goodnight, Canada Starting in 2006, Kornheiser started waving a ''. Tony and the bus Wilbon making a crack at Kornheiser's reluctance to fly, usually due to the '' Monday Night Football '' schedule. After Week 3, he commented that they had to drug Kornheiser to get him on the plane and back in time for the taping of ''PTI''. ''PTI'' travel blazer Red blazers were given to Kornheiser and Wilbon when they broadcast from the '' Monday Night Football '' site, which Wilbon has refused to wear since the first week. Kornheiser wears his blazer proudly, which features a ''PTI'' logo on the breast. Kornheiser recently offered to retire the blazer if basketball legend Charles Barkley would agree to be a contestant on the upcoming season of '' Dancing With The Stars ''. The Penguin Dance Kornheiser had invented a so-called "penguin dance" which he started using on the show in April 2006. He claims that it is "sweeping the nation", but Wilbon found it annoying. On , 2006 , when ''PTI'' showed footage of penguins playing soccer, Kornhesier stated that he wants to see them do the penguin dance after they score, and Wilbon announced that he was sick of the clip after just one showing. On August 8 , 2006 , Kornheiser did the penguin dance, anointing himself the winner of "Toss-Up" ''before'' the segment had started in order to doubly annoy Wilbon. The Penguin Dance is only seldom done now, including on April 13 , 2007 , when Wilbon made a reference to the Pittsburgh Penguins . Most recently, Kornheiser performed the penguin dance during the opening sequence on June 25 , 2007 , when Wilbon said that scientists in Peru have found the bones of five-foot-tall penguins. Greg Oden's Age During the 2006-07 college basketball season, Kornheiser noted that Ohio State University player Greg Oden looks older than his years, commenting that he looks like the "Old LeBron" from LeBron James 's commercials. At one point Kornheiser remarked incredulously, "He's been shaving since 1975 !" While discussing Oden's blog on the June 12 , 2007 show, Kornheiser quipped, "He's 62 years old, anyway", when his emotional maturity was praised. Dikembe Mutombo's Voice Wilbon and Kornheiser both express love for Dikembe Mutombo 's " Cookie Monster " voice. Wilbon loves to do Voice Impressions of Mutombo's voice, which Kornheiser eagerly encourages but cannot do very well himself. Make it rain! Wilbon started using the phrase "make it rain" after Pacman Jones 's incident during the 2007 NBA All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada . To "make it rain" is an expression, popularized in hip-hop music by the likes of Lil Wayne , for tossing up excessive amounts of dollar bills inside of a strip club and showering it over the strippers and onto the floor, to give the effect that it is raining cash for the dancers. Wilbon and Kornheiser appear to be fond of this expression and as of April 27 , 2007 , Tony has also picked up talking about his intentions to "Make it rain!" Get me a Sammich! After the O.J. Mayo story had aired, in which he wouldn't give USC basketball coach Tim Floyd his cell phone number or any other information, Wilbon declared that Mayo had unlimited control over Floyd, and said, "Coach, get me a sammich!". The gag has been repeated any time a certain sports figure "owns" another. No guest today Recently, PTI has been omitting the Five Good Minutes segment more often than in the past, leading to another Headlines segment. On these occasions, Kornheiser would say "No guest today, or as (random sports figure or people) would say," with Wilbon responding often with a weak accent.
Toss-Up/Odds Makers Whenever Kornheiser and Wilbon square off in "Toss-Up", Tony has always declared himself the winner, loudly and assuredly, saying such lines as, "Well, whaddaya know? I WIN!" or "Of course, I win. The streak continues!" The only times Wilbon officially "won" were against guests (Le Batard, Ryan) or when Kornheiser was on the road. However, as of late Reali and Wilbon have paid Kornheiser back during the Odds Maker segments, with Wilbon having won almost every match-up for the last several weeks. As an in-joke, Reali on a recent show said that he ''would'' have made Wilbon the winner, "but my envelope was feeling a little empty today," allowing Kornheiser to "win". A ''PTI'' investigation! When going to commercial break and discussing the upcoming stories on ''PTI'', one of the hosts will proclaim to be launching "a ''PTI'' investigation" into a story that seems unbelievable. The story discussed is usually something indirectly related to sports, in that it involves a sports figure, or a cultural topic making news. PAST GAGS The trampoline bear A large brown bear stuck in a tree in has proclaimed himself a fan of the video and requested it to be shown during an interview in 2004 . On January 29 , 2007 , Sapp was interviewed on the Five Good Minutes segment. After the segment was over, he requested the video, which was shown much to Kornhieser's pleasure. Wilbon, however, dislikes the clip immensely. In 2004 , it was shown on a semi-regular basis, but is now used only on special occasions. The video was parodied on the January 4 , 2007 episode of '' My Name Is Earl '', with Randy Hickey in the place of the bear. ''Man vs. Beast'' In 2003 , FOX aired a one-night reality special called '' Man Vs. Beast '', featuring humans that are at the top of their particular athletic field being challenged to a competition against an animal. One such competition was a hot dog-eating contest between Takeru Kobayashi and a Black Bear , which the bear easily won. Kornheiser loved the program and even spent three segments of the show discussing and reviewing it. He remains especially enamored of a quote by ''Man vs. Beast'' color analyst Carl Lewis , who suggested during the telecast that one key to a zebra beating Shawn Crawford in a forthcoming sprint race was that the zebra "focus." Man vs Beast , YouTube. Wilbon's pants Early during the run of the show, Kornheiser would make fun of the fact Wilbon always wore shorts instead of pants, while wearing a jacket and buttoned-up polo shirt. Often, the camera would pull back to reveal the fact that Wilbon indeed was only wearing shorts. More recently, during the hot days of summer, Kornhesier has stated that Wilbon is wearing no pants at all. He'd occasionally throw a pant jab out when Whitlock was hosting, which usually gets no response. During the October 31 , 2006 edition, Wilbon appeared on the '' SportsCenter '' set to tease the next ''PTI'' topic wearing a suit with slacks. It was a rare occasion, outside of his '' Sports Reporters '' appearances, when Wilbon has ever been seen on camera wearing dress slacks. "Do the Mavericks have enough defense to win in the playoffs?" During the 2002-03 NBA Season the Dallas Mavericks had an explosive high-powered offense that was coupled with a porous, terrible defense. It was debated Ad Nauseam whether this "outscore the other team" philosophy would be successful in the playoffs to the point where the question "Do the Mavericks have enough defense to win in the playoffs?" was referenced when any debate became monotonous. Beano Cook A long-running, though now-defunct running gag involved continual references (often with little or no context) to . Tony's punishment A past popular saying of Kornheiser's was that he and/or Wilbon would, upon hearing news of a player, coach, or fan(s) acting out of hand, proclaim that the team/league/police in question should "prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law!" The Chat House transcript , ''Washington Post'', 2004-02-20 . For a while, this was one of the show's most widely used Catch Phrase s, but since early 2005 has been used only sparingly, if at all, by the two. Marat Safin's Girlfriend One Monday in 2004 , Kornheiser got hold of video of the girlfriend of Russian tennis player Marat Safin cheering him on at a match, and continually played the video for the rest of that week, professing to have a crush on her, and stated that she was "Top Five Worldwide." He even went as far as to originate the idea to send Safin himself to the Moon (simply as a joke, of course), to which Reali replied that Kornheiser was "absolutely ridiculous." REFERENCES EXTERNAL LINKS
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