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PLOT SUMMARY Barney Hendrickson is a movie maker with a problem. He's mediocre and has no prospects if his employer, Climactic Studios, goes out of business. Unfortunately that's exactly what seems to be about to happen, particularly as the owner, '''L M Greenspan''' has systematically looted the corporation. In a final throw of the dice, he drags Greenspan to see '''Prof. Hewitt''', who claims to have a time machine. Hewitt's idea of a demonstration is not Greenspan's, sending a bottle half a second into the past. Barney desperately takes over the machine, turns everything up to maximum and sends Greenspan's Cuban cigar three seconds into the future, burning out the circuitry in the process. "L M" is convinced enough to finance a replacement, under cover of a mad scientist's device for a horror movie, and Barney puts the next stage of his plan into motion: to make a historical movie in the past, with a minimal crew, only a few actors, and all the other parts filled by extras recruited (hopefully for wampum and beads) from the people he finds. His first script is "Viking Columbus", about the founding of the Vinland settlement. On the first trip, they capture a Viking named Ottar in the Orkneys of the 11th century. With him as local guide and interpreter, paid in bottles of bourbon, they move an entire sound stage into the past and begin filming. Their stars are '''Ruf Hawk''', a narcissistic he-man, and '''Slithey Tove''', a sex goddess. Of course nothing goes as planned. To begin with, in the present the auditors from the bank are arriving in a few days, at which time the game will be up. Also, Prof. Hewitt explains that the time machine must return to the present, a moment after departing, before going to any other time. As a consequence, time used in the present day is lost forever. Barney thinks he can stay in the past as long as necessary, but first Ruf backs out and has to be returned, and then the time machine itself breaks down in the present day, taking hours to repair. Improvising desperately, Barney casts Ottar in the lead and resolves to stay in the past until all is done. They film Ottar settting sail for Vinland with an actual colonising crew, then the movie people jump, via present day Hollywood, to Newfoundland a few months later. They have rigged a radio beacon on Ottar's boat, so they are able to track him on the way in. While waiting, they have a nasty encounter with the natives, whom the Vikings will call '' Skraeling s''. Ottar hits the beach and digs in while the cameras roll, then the crew jumps forward a year to give the colonists time to build the settlement and stockade. At this point they get a surprise. Slithey, who had become smitten with Ottar, had been left behind by accident. Not only that, she has Ottar's baby son on her hip. Barney, not for the first time, is flabbergasted but soldiers on. They continue filming, even during a mass attack by ''skraelings'', which is repelled with tear gas and Viking axes. Shooting the final scenes, Barney is triumphant - and downcast. Even with all the film shot, he still has to do a soundtrack, dub the spoken lines, and edit the final cut. There is no time in the future to do this, and no equipment in the past. All seems lost. Barney is all set to walk into Greenspan's office empty handed, when he gets a surprise visitor - himself. He quickly realizes the solution to all his problems. Coda With the movie a smash hit, Climactic's future is assured. Only one puzzle remains. The Vikings went to Vinland, but where did the real settlers land ? The Norse sagas say that the expedition was led by Thorfinn Karlsefni , but there was no sign of him. Then Ottar, overhearing, reveals that his formal name is indeed Thorfinn Karlsefni. Shocked, Barney and Hewitt realize that the colony was founded because they decided to make a movie about founding the colony. Not only that, but the sagas mention another important figure, Bjarni Herjólfsson . Barney Hendrickson is ecstatic. "They wrote a part for me!" he exults. |
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