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Arranged marriages are based on considerations other than the pre-existing mutual attraction of the partners. Among many arranged marriage practices, an arranged marriage can refer to a marriage where husband and wife get to know one another during meetings initially arranged by their parents with the stated intention of finding a spouse. In this case the actual marriage only happens if there is considerable mutual attraction of the partners. Otherwise the parents seek to arrange meetings with further potential spouses. VARIATIONS The term "arranged marriage" refers to a marriage that is at some level arranged by someone other than those being married and is usually used to describe a marriage which involves the parents of the married couple to varying degrees: Traditional arranged marriage: The parents choose the child's future spouse with little or no input from the child being taken as having final authority. If the child refuses the choice of the parents, the parents may choose another possible spouse or the child may be punished or disowned (or in rare cases, killed, accidentally in the heat of passion or intentionally with legal authority to do so). Modern arranged marriage: The parents choose several possible mates for the child, sometimes with the help of the child (who may indicate which photos/biographies he or she likes, for example). The parents will then arrange a meeting with the family of the prospective mate, and the two children will often have a short unsupervised meeting (an hour long walk around the neighborhood together, for example). The children will then eventually choose who they wish to marry (if anyone), although parents may exert varying degrees of pressure on the child to make a certain choice of which they must approve. Modern arranged marriage with courtship: Same as above, except the children have a chance to get to know each other over a longer period of time via e-mail, phone, or multiple in-person meetings, before making a decision. Introduction only: The parents will introduce their child to a potential spouse (that they found through a personal recommendation or a website, et cetera). The parents may briefly talk to the parents of the prospective spouse. From that point on, it is up to the children to manage the relationship and make a choice based on whatever factors they want, love or otherwise. The parents may try to influence the child's choice or generally pressure the child to choose someone soon (especially when parents are hoping to become grandparents). In almost all of the above cases except the traditional arranged marriage, the child may usually be presumed to have the option of finding a spouse on his or her own and presenting them to their parents who may or may not have any legal authority in deciding the matter with finality. Many children in cultures which do not promote arranged marriage view an arranged marriage as an option they may choose to use if they are unable or unwilling to spend the time and effort necessary to find an acceptable spouse on their own. In some cases, parental disapproval turns violent, even leading to loss of lives. This sometimes is the reason forcing children to marry according to parent's wishes. Sometimes, the term "arranged marriage" may be occasionally be used even if the parents had no direct involvement in selecting the spouse. This could mean a meeting through a website or third party. Many Indians are choosing to meet their partners online, and the growth of Matrimonials Sites have become exponential over the past 5-10 years. A "marriage of convenience" is the term is most often applied if the couple decides to marry primarily for reasons other than love. INTERNATIONAL ARRANGED MARRIAGES In many arranged marriages, one potential spouse may reside in a wealthy country and the other in a poorer country. For example, the man may be an American of Indian ancestry and the woman may be an Indian living in India who will move to America after the marriage. Positive points (for this example):
Negative Points
See Also: Mail-order bride PROPONENTS' VIEWS The debate surrounds one main question: can an individual be trusted to make his or her own decision about choosing a mate, and if not, can the parents do a better job of it? Compounding that, the debate depends on variables such as the closeness of the family, whether divorce is acceptable, and societal expectations which can vary greatly among and within cultures. Proponents of arranged marriage often feel that individuals can be too easily influenced by the effects of love to make a logical choiceFox, 1975. In these societies, including China, the intragenerational relationship of the family is much more valued then the marital relationship. The whole purpose of the marriage is to have a familyReaves, 1994. But, even if they do not love each other at first, a greater understanding between the two would develop, aided by their often similar Socioeconomic , religious, political, and cultural backgroundsXiaohe & Whyte, 1990. Proponents may also feel that marriages simply based on romance are doomed to failure due to the partners having unreasonable expectations of each other and with the relationship having little room for improvementXiaohe & Whyte, 1990. Opponents often believe that only individuals have the right to make decisions like this one, and that they will be ultimately be happier making their own decisions. A major concern is that people will "find themselves stuck in marriages with persons decidedly not of their own choosing...whom they may find personally repulsiveXiaohe & Whyte, 1990. In such a culture, the chemistry between the partners is a primary consideration. They see the best way of guaranteeing a good marriage is allowing individuals to test there compatibility by dating different persons before making a final decision. One of the major problems with this process is that it is not love/chemistry which makes turns a good relationship into marriage, but time. Arranged marriages happen over a shorter time period than so called "love marriages". Furthermore, proponents believe that parents can be trusted to make a match that is in the best interests of their children. They hold that parents have much practical experience to draw from and not be misguided by emotions and hormonesXiaohe & Whyte, 1990. Opponents will note that there are times when the choosers select a match that serves their interests or the family's interests and not necessarily to the couple’s pleasure and find this naturally, unacceptable.Xiaohe & Whyte, 1990. However, the community and even the children may see this as an acceptable risk with potential benefits. ARRANGED MARRIAGE CUSTOM In many cultures, arranged marriage is a handed down tradition. Parents who take their son or daughter's marriage into their own hands, have almost always had this happen to them. For some parents there is pressure from the community to conform and in certain cultures, a "love marriage" or even a relationship is considered a failure on the part of the parents to keep control over their child. For some, it is fear of what the community - social and/or religious will think if their child is not married, often by a certain age. In some cultures, sons and daughters have a "sell by date", meaning the son or daughter are deemed less likely to find a suitable partner if they are past a certain age, and it is considered folly to try to marry them off at that stage. The religious and spiritual aspect of arranged marriage can play a large role in finding a "suitable" spouse. Numerology (Horoscopes) are often used in Indian culture to predict the fruitfulness of a particular match. This can sometimes be expressed in a percentage, ie a 70% match. Caste can play a large role in Indian marriages, as well as salary, education level and social standing (often related to caste). Often high castes only marry high castes. One reason for Indian parents opting for an Indian arranged marriage, rather than a marriage of mixed races is that the caste cannot be found out or simply does not exist in that culture/country. This ambiguity can create a "fear of the unknown" and so an arranged marriage may be insisted upon. In Indian culture, Doctors, Accountants, Lawyers and Engineers/Scientists are traditionally valued highly as excellent spouse material, although increasingly salary is becoming more important. ECONOMIC PRINCIPLE OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES Arranged marriages are sometimes thought to operate on the notion that marriages are primarily an economic union or only a means to have children. It sees relationships as defined on the basis of economic dimensions on which Social - Sexual relationships would be based and defined, but such a shallow view should not be thought of as the ideal. It has also been said that in some religions where Divorce is forbidden (ie. Catholicism ) arranged marriage would work out nicely because both husband and wife would accept the marriage producing their best efforts to make it a success instead of breaking up at the slightest conflict. Others do object, however, that in an "ordinary" sentimental marriage there would be no reason not to make the same, or even greater efforts, in the aim of a success that could be much more relevant for the couple (in presence of true sentiments of course). SOCIOPOLITICS OF ARRANGED MARRIAGE In a large number of arranged marriages, the male is older than the female. This Age Disparity is usually intentional; some societies consider it proper for an older man to be united with a younger woman. In an arranged marriage the women always seeks a man who is at least equal if not higher to her in socio-economic status. Rarely does an arranged marriage happen where the male is lower to the woman, either in socio-economic status, caste, class or by Height . Class was often the basis of a good marriage, but not always. UNIFICATION CHURCH MATCHINGS Rev. Sun Myung Moon has conducted thousands of arranged marriages, mostly for early members of the Unification Movement . Nowadays, Moon rarely performs these matchings himself, although he does still arrange couples from the second generation of Unificationist Blessed Couples. SEE ALSO REFERENCES FURTHER READING
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